March 4, 2026
Mini-Episode: Preparing Your Older Child for Labor and a New Baby
Send a text Preparing Your Older Child for Labor and a New Baby If you're pregnant with baby number two (or more) and wondering how to prepare your older child for labor, the hospital, and life with a new sibling — this episode is for you. What happens to your toddler when labor starts? What if childcare falls through? Should your older child come to the hospital? How do you prevent sibling jealousy after baby arrives? As a labor and delivery nurse and mom of two, I walk you...
Preparing Your Older Child for Labor and a New Baby
If you're pregnant with baby number two (or more) and wondering how to prepare your older child for labor, the hospital, and life with a new sibling — this episode is for you.
What happens to your toddler when labor starts?
What if childcare falls through?
Should your older child come to the hospital?
How do you prevent sibling jealousy after baby arrives?
As a labor and delivery nurse and mom of two, I walk you through how to prepare your older child for labor in a way that feels calm, realistic, and emotionally safe — for both of you.
In this mini-episode, we cover:
• How to create a clear labor childcare plan
• What to do if labor starts unexpectedly
• How to talk to your child about birth in age-appropriate language
• Whether siblings can be present during labor or in the hospital
• The most important thing to do when your older child meets the baby
• How to reduce sibling jealousy after bringing baby home
• Simple ways to help your older child feel included without pressure
• How to handle regression, clinginess, or big emotions postpartum
You’ll learn practical strategies supported by pediatric and child mental health guidance to help your older child adjust to a new baby without guilt, chaos, or heartbreak.
Preparing siblings for a new baby isn’t about forcing excitement. It’s about building emotional safety, predictability, and connection before labor begins — so everyone feels more secure when the family grows.
If you’d like the notes from this episode, including simple scripts and a checklist you can use, visit the show notes or follow the link in the description.
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Kelly Hof: Labor Nurse + Birth Coach
Basically, I'm your birth bestie! With me as your coach, you will tell fear to take a hike!
Connect with Kelly Hof, BSN, RNC-EFM
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Medical Disclaimer
The Birth Journeys Podcast® is intended for educational and informational purposes only. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
Every pregnancy, labor, and postpartum experience is unique. Information shared on this podcast — including personal birth stories — may not apply to your specific medical situation. Always consult your OB, midwife, or qualified healthcare provider before making decisions about your care.
While I strive to share current guidance aligned with organizations such as ACOG and AWHONN at the time of recording, medical recommendations evolve as research advances. Guests are entitled to autonomy in their medical decisions and may share experiences that differ from current practice guidelines.
My intention is to provide balanced, evidence-informed education and create space for diverse birth experiences — while encouraging you to make informed decisions in partnership with your healthcare team.
...00:56 - Naming Big Mixed Feelings
01:57 - Build A Clear Childcare Plan
02:57 - When Childcare Falls Through
05:02 - Hospital Comfort Plans For Kids
06:48 - First Meetings That Protect Bonding
10:02 - Turning Involvement Into Routine
12:42 - Parallel Caregiving And Play
14:53 - Visitors And Protecting Attention
WEBVTT
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Hey friend! Today we're talking about something I get asked about all the time, especially by second-time parents.
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How do we prepare an older child for what happens when labor starts, meeting the baby for the first time, and adjusting once the baby gets home without guilt, chaos, or sibling heartbreak?
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And I want to name this right away because it matters.
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It's normal for an older child to feel excited and jealous, curious and scared, loving and annoyed.
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Sometimes all in the same hour.
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That emotional mix doesn't mean we're doing something wrong.
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It means our child is human and adjusting to a huge change.
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Today I'm going to walk you through how to think about this in a way that's calm, realistic, and actually supportive for both you and them.
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And before we move on, if you want the notes for this video, including scripts you can use and ideas you can save, comment notes below and I'll send them to you.
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Let's start with the moment that creates the most anxiety for parents.
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What happens to my older child when labor starts?
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Before we talk about emotions or reassurance, we need a clear, boring, practical plan because clarity is what keeps everyone regulated.
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So the first step is this.
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Decide your labor childcare plan now.
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We want to know ahead of time who is on call for your older child, how they'll get there, and what happens if labor starts at an inconvenient time, like overnight or during school hours.
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Your backup might be a grandparent, a trusted friend, a babysitter who already knows the child, or a small rotation of people in case plan A isn't available.
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The goal isn't perfection, it's predictability.
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When adults feel prepared, kids feel safer, even if they don't fully understand what's happening yet.
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And once you know there's a plan, you can show up calmer when labor actually begins, which matters more than saying the perfect words.
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And here's the part we don't talk about enough, but really should.
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Sometimes, even with a solid plan, childcare falls through.
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Labor starts faster than expected.
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Someone's phone is off, it's the middle of the night, or plan A just doesn't work out.
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If that happens, it doesn't mean you failed.
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It means you pivot.
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And having a backup mindset can make all the difference.
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This is where preparation shifts from logistics to emotional safety.
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Let's talk about if childcare falls through, how to support your child and yourself.
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I worked with one client who prepared for this possibility in a really thoughtful way.
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She made a small helper box with her five-year-old, filled with things he could use to support her if labor started while he was at home.
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Washcloths he could wet with cool water, water bottles to help keep her hydrated, simple snacks, a cozy blanket, towels in case of a mess.
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She explained to him ahead of time, birth is hard work.
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I might move around a lot, I might make noises like I'm working really hard.
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That's okay.
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You don't need to be scared.
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You're helping me bring your sibling into the world.
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Instead of feeling overwhelmed, he felt important.
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Another friend with a younger child turned it into a game.
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They made silly or loud noises together during contractions.
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It helped keep the other child entertained, it kept things light, it reduced fear, and it helped her child stay regulated while her body did what it needed to do.
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It's important to match the plan to your child's developmental stage.
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The key here isn't having your child witness labor in a certain way.
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It's giving them a role that feels safe, language that makes sense for their age, and reassurance that what they're seeing is normal, not scary.
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For some kids, that might be helping with small comfort tasks, staying in the same room but engaged with a quiet activity, or simply knowing mom is okay, she's doing hard work.
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The goal here isn't to plan for chaos, it's to remove panic if plans change.
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When you've thought through what happens if things don't go perfectly, how to talk to your child in a way that builds trust, and how to keep everyone emotionally safe, you walk into labor feeling steadier.
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And sometimes, despite everyone's best planning, your child may need to come to the hospital with you for a short time.
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And that's okay.
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If this is even a small possibility, having a simple comfort plan can make a huge difference.
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Think a cozy place for your child to curl up, a favorite book or iPad, a comfort toy or blanket, noise-canceling headphones because hospital sounds can be a lot, and plenty of their favorite snacks.
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Hospitals are full of unfamiliar machines, sounds, and people.
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Comfort items help your child feel grounded in a brand new environment.
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One important thing to know in the hospital, a non-birthing adult must be responsible for your child at all times.
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That doesn't mean you're on your own.
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The hospital staff will take care of you while the other adult focuses on your child.
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You are still supported.
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You're not splitting yourself in two.
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Let's talk about keeping your child involved when it's appropriate.
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Depending on your child's age and personality, they may still be able to feel involved in the hospital setting by helping with simple comfort tasks, playing the make the weirdest sound game during contractions, offering water or encouragement, choosing songs on the playlist, or simply being nearby in a calm, contained way.
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There is no one right way.
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The goal isn't participation, it's emotional safety.
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And the key here is not perfection, it's having a plan.
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So you're not caught off guard if things unfold differently than expected.
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When you've thought through what happens if childcare falls through, how to support your child emotionally, and how to stay regulated yourself.
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You remove a huge layer of stress from labor.
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And that sets the tone for what comes next, helping your older child adjust once they meet the baby.
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There are two really common scenarios.
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One, your older child is present or nearby enough to meet the baby very soon after birth.
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Or, two, a caregiver came, your child didn't witness any of it, and they meet the baby later.
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Both are normal, both can be beautiful, and both can benefit from a little intentionality.
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If your child was present for labor or close by enough to meet the baby shortly after birth, they've already been a part of the story.
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They may have seen you working hard, heard unfamiliar sounds, noticed big emotions, felt proud, curious, or unsure.
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In this case, the first meeting isn't about explaining the baby, it's about reassurance.
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They need to know I still matter and I'm still connected to you.
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That's where how you greet them becomes incredibly important.
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And if your child wasn't present for labor, maybe a caregiver came quickly or they slept through the night, the first meeting can feel like a sudden change.
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From their perspective, they left and everything was normal, then they came back and there's a baby.
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This is where small choices can make a big difference.
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Here's the single most important thing pediatric experts recommend, regardless of where or how birth happened.
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Greet your older child first, ideally without the baby in your arms.
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This may sound small, but it's huge for their nervous system.
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When a child walks in and sees mom holding the baby, their brain can register, something took my place.
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Instead, have the baby in the bassinet or with another adult.
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Turn your full body toward your older child.
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Make eye contact.
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Use your full voice and attention.
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You can say, Hi my love, I've missed you so much.
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Come here first.
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Pause, connect, then, are you ready to meet the baby?
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That last part matters.
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It gives your child choice and agency, which helps them feel grounded instead of pushed.
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Then have a gift prepared from the new baby to the older sibling.
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This idea is popular because it works.
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A small, thoughtful gift can lower defensiveness and create a positive association.
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Keep it simple.
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A book, a stuffed animal, a big sibling item.
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You can say, the baby brought you something because they're so happy you're their big sibling.
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When my daughter was born, her little brother gave her a doctor kit and scrubs that said big sister, so she could check him over officially and make sure he was healthy.
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She loved both and played with them for years after.
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Keep the first visit short, especially in the hospital.
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Big feelings come up fast.
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Excitement, jealousy, overwhelm, boredom, unease with the hospital environment, or all of the above.
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Ending the visit on a positive note helps everyone.
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And this first meeting, whether it happens immediately or hours later, sets the tone for what comes next.
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Helping your older child adjust once the baby is home.
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That's where connection, reassurance, and simple routines make all the difference, and we'll talk about that next.
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The first few weeks home are often where the hardest emotions show up.
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Not because anyone did anything wrong, but because this is the biggest adjustment your older child has ever made.
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From their perspective, mom is tired, routines are different, attention is split, and the baby isn't just visiting, they're here to stay.
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Our goal during this phase isn't to force bonding.
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It's to help your older child feel secure, included, and still important.
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Here's where we turn involvement into continuity, not more work for you.
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Remember that comfort box we talked about earlier, the one your child helped make for labor?
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Here's the beautiful part.
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You don't need to reinvent anything.
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That same box keeps working once the baby is home.
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The washcloths that were meant to be used to cool you down during labor, those become burp cloths.
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The water bottles and snacks they handed you during contractions, those stay right where they are.
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The comfort box naturally becomes your nursing helper box without effort or pressure.
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You might even want to add nursing pads or a small toy or book the older sibling can sit with while you feed.
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Your older child can then restock it and sit nearby to hand you water, grab a burp cloth, or just keep you company, knowing they had a hand in helping you and the baby have everything you need.
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Not because they have to help, but because being included helps them feel secure instead of suddenly sidelined.
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We can even add one new thing.
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In addition to the nursing helper box, I like creating a simple diaper station your older child helps to stock.
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This gives them their own role without putting too much responsibility on them.
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They can refill diapers, restock wipes, hand you cream, or throw diapers away.
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This works because it's familiar, it's predictable, and it gives them a sense of place in the new rhythm and they're still connected to you.
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When familiar things don't disappear, the box, the routine, their role, kids feel less like they've lost their mom and more like they're still a part of the team.
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That sense of belonging is what helps big feelings soften.
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Another way to include a sibling is for them to practice caregiving in their own way.
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Mental health professionals love this strategy.
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It's called parallel caregiving.
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This can look like baby dolls with diapers and blankets, a toy baby carrier, feeding their baby while you feed yours.
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It helps them process what's happening without competition.
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I got my daughter a tiny nursing pillow on Etsy for her to breastfeed her baby doll while I fed her brother.
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Some of the best bonding moments don't involve holding the baby at all.
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During awake times for baby, older siblings can read books to the baby, put on puppet shows, sing songs, or show the baby their favorite toys.
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Tummy Time is a perfect time for this.
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This lets them be special in a way that only they can be.
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Here is something that mental health professionals and pediatric organizations agree on across the board.
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We don't want to force excitement.
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We want emotional honesty.
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When kids are allowed to have their feelings, the feelings usually pass a lot faster.
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By doing all this, you're not taking anything away from your older child.
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You're teaching them something powerful, that relationships can grow without replacing one another.
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And when kids feel emotionally safe, connection follows naturally.
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Another strategy is to protect 10 minutes of older child only time.
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Even 10 minutes a day, no baby, no phone, no multitasking, just this is our time.
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This is strongly recommended by mental health experts because it reassures the older child they still have secure access to you.
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Here's another thing that can be a little problematic in those first few weeks.
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Visitors.
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One simple thing that makes a huge difference in those early days is how visitors interact with your older child.
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I always encourage families to ask visitors to greet the older sibling first.
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I even do this when I'm in the hospital and I see an older sibling in the hallway or in a patient's room.
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I make it a point to treat them like a celebrity, learning their name, asking their age, and hearing all about what they think about their new baby.
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That moment matters more than we realize.
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You can even say to family ahead of time, please say hi to the older child first and spend a few minutes with them before you ask to hold the baby.
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That small shift sends a powerful message.
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You still matter, you're still seen, you didn't disappear when the baby arrived.
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And here's another thing to consider.
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Behavior changes are communication, not misbehavior.
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After the baby comes home, it's very common for older children to change how they act.
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You might notice regression, baby talk or accidents, clinginess, big energy or wild behavior, irritability or mean moments.
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This isn't them being bad.
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It's not them trying to cause problems, it's communication.
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What they're really asking is, do I still matter?
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Am I still safe here?
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Do they still see me?
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When you respond with curiosity instead of correction, those behaviors usually soften much faster.
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The goal in all of this isn't to make our older child have perfect feelings.
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The goal is to help them feel secure, help them feel included, and protect their relationship with us while the family grows.
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Much of this approach is consistent with guidance from pediatric and child mental health resources like healthy children slash AAP and Child Mind Institute.
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And remember, if you want my notes from this video, comment notes below.
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